A Vital Simplicity

You gave me love
Imprinted on my brain
Messages that lifted me
You are loved
You are strong
You are enough

You cradled me tenderly
In your comforting arms
Tangibly believed in me
And supported my dreams
And I sit here wondering
How I got so lucky

I can’t figure out why
That’s not true for everyone
That others’ precious souls
Were beaten down
Told they were worthless
Until they believed the lies

I have a responsibility
To share the kindness given me
And help those neural pathways
Form a gentler path
I will love them well
Until they can love themselves

Healing, consoling, love creates light beneath her feet. She clarifies, she simplifies. – Charles Wagner

I spent the evening with a group of friends. We chatted and laughed and even teared up a bit. These are true friends – the kind who will be there when you need them. If you’ve read my recent posts, you know that I’m digging into the things that brought about an internal shift in me towards a simpler life. Certainly one of these is a deeper connection with others.

This group of ladies epitomizes connection. We are able to drop any pretense and be real with each other. It’s a rare bond, but I don’t think it has to be that rare. It just requires a willingness to be open and vulnerable. A big ask, but the payoff has been worth it for me as our bond of trust, support, and love has grown over the years.

The art of living is to know how to give one’s life. – Charles Wagner

How does friendship lead to simplicity? Regular interaction with these women reminds me of what is important in life. Their generosity compels me to want to give of myself more. I don’t really want to spend time with them shopping. I’d rather sit with them, look into their eyes, and hear their stories.

I find that nothing connects me to my purpose more than truly holding space for another human being to be exactly who they are. My sincere desire is to be a person free from judgment with open arms and an open heart. I fail often, but the more I engage with others, the closer I get to the person I want to be. And – as a friend of mine reminds me – the more I give, the more I receive. And that is simply beautiful.

It needs but a glimmer of common sense to perceive that man is not made to pass his life in a self-centered trance.  – Charles Wagner

In my previous post, I outlined a path to simplicity that relies on an inner shift towards purpose rather than on externally-imposed changes. The pull towards connecting to a personal mission has brought about that internal change in me, and it began with spiritual connection.

Before I was able to experience this connection, I had to address what was blocking it. For years, my MO was to try and control my surroundings, future outcomes, and even others. This drive to manage everything blocked me from the very peace I sought. When I recognized I’m actually powerless and surrendered to what is instead of what I thought I wanted, I began to feel moments of serenity.

I imagine a crystal stream, fish swimming, water flowing over rocks, and I’m hanging on for dear life to a tree root on the banks. I’m deluded into believing that as long as I hang on, I’m in control, and all is well. What I don’t see is that if I simply let go and yield to the current, I’ll be carried into an experience more beautiful and fulfilling than I can imagine. My stubbornness is the very thing holding me back.

I have learned to surrender.

When I concede that I’m not in control, I can connect with the one who is – my Higher Power, or God to me. Some days that link is made when I meditate, pray, and ask for guidance. Other times it comes from my willingness to admit mistakes and repair relationships with others. I find that an unexpected benefit comes from acknowledging my mistakes – I’m not as hard on myself. Something of a paradox: when I humbly do what I can to right my wrongs, my flaws seem less important. I’m making progress.

Your religion is good if it is vital, if it nourishes in you confidence, hope, love; if it renders forgiveness more easy. But does it serve to make you think yourself better than others, quibble over texts, domineer over others’ consciences, or do good in the hope of escaping future punishment? Then whether you proclaim yourself the follower of Buddha, Moses, Muhammad, or Christ, your religion is worthless – it separates you from God and man. – Charles Wagner

This quote from Charles Wagner is a good reminder for me. The way I treat others, my true motives, and even how I see myself are manifestations of what’s going on in my heart. Is my spiritual connection strong, or have I taken back the reins of my life? My approach is gentle. When I’m aware of the drifting, I simply stop for a moment and ask to be brought back to center. And I’ve found – little by little, day by day – this way of life works.

The opposite of materialism isn’t minimalism, it’s connection.

I used to strive for simplicity. I read all the self-help books, cleared away a lot of the clutter, and implemented changes meant to streamline my life. Many of them stuck, and things got somewhat simpler. But there wasn’t an internal shift.

I found Charles Wagner’s timeless book “The Simple Life” somewhere along the way. And while the answer was there, even then I couldn’t internalize it. He suggested a life that is mission-focused becomes less complicated naturally. As we pursue what matters, the extraneous loses its luster.

The past few years have been a time for me to dig deep. As I chose excerpts from Wagner’s book to include in my own book “A Vital Simplicity”, the messages rang true for me. And as I grow older, I’m reflecting on my life and envisioning what the future might become. I find myself drawn to minimalism from the inside instead of putting external pressures on myself. And the concept of connection keeps coming up.

Work out your mission – Charles Wagner

The internal transformation began for me when I connected to my mission. It’s personal to me, but it involves being of service to others. I’m careful to recognize that writing is an ability of mine but not the end goal. Writing is a simply tool that is useful in the pursuit of this aim, and it also brings me joy in the process.

How did I get clarity around my purpose? The focus I needed was born out of connection to three things:

– My Higher Power
– Other People
– Nature

In my next three blog posts, I’ll dive into each of these and share my experiences. The evolving result is that I am naturally inclined to spend my time and energy on lasting pleasures rather than instant gratification.

We must pursue who and what we are created to be with more fervor than we pursue material prosperity – Charles Wagner

While I’m still finding my way, I can say with conviction that the change I sought for so long is coming naturally now that I am in the flow of life and finding true connections at last. I’m hoping you’ll join me and reflect on your own experiences as we learn and grow together.

The past 8 days have been filled with emotion for me. It started last Saturday with my granddaughter’s quinceanera (15th birthday celebration) in Ecuador. She was a princess, and the party was lively and exciting – a recognition that this sweet young lady is growing up before our eyes.

Two days later another granddaughter had her first baby. There were complications that made us fearful, but we welcomed a healthy, precious little girl, and mom and baby are doing well.

Today I attended a funeral. A loved one lost her father, and the service was a testament to the truth that our story isn’t set in stone. As long as we have breath, our lives can change course.

And today also happens to be my daddy’s birthday. He would have been 100. Though he left this earth many years ago, his love is imprinted on the hearts of his children. I am forever grateful I got to be his daughter.

I tend toward the emotional, and this week I’ve felt all the feelings. And I emerge grateful for family, for love, and for a life of possibilities.

She is a vision in lavender
A princess surrounded by her subjects
She speaks words of gratitude
And dances the night away
Our little girl all grown up

She comes to me in pain
As labor sets upon her
Our excitement is tinged with fear
But her healthy baby comes
A miracle in her mother’s loving arms

They take turns in the service
Each speaking of the man they knew
Not all the same but evolving
His life a testament to the truth
That change is always possible

I remember the man
Strong yet gentle, guiding my path
He was the best of fathers
Taken from us far too soon
His presence – however short – a priceless gift

I have seen it all this week
Struggling birth to surrendering death
And celebrations of milestones in between
I am reminded to savor these moments
To hold on a little tighter
And speak more words of love
For as long as I am given breath

We are connected
Joined by our blood and bones
And we think we decide
With our hearts and minds
But it doesn’t work that way
Our lives are intertwined
Even if our eyes see this world
Differently

The connection doesn’t end there
It finds its way to the creatures
In the sea and air and on land
As they share this planet with us
Even our attempts to dominate
Don’t diminish the power they wield
As they roam this place with
Majesty

Our feet touch this earth
And we feel it underneath
But don’t recognize how
It flows through our very bodies
Nature sends its sweet breath
Into our open lungs
And nourishes us with
Beauty

I wonder if we’ll ever get it?
That reducing life –
Attempting to diminish its importance –
Only diminishes us?
My hope is that we eventually find
Our lives become satisfying only when
We learn to embrace this full and vital
Connection

I have to live in the quiet sometimes
Away from the truth and the lies
So easily conflated
I need to breathe surrender
And take solace in the unknown

We all have our weighty baggage
Beliefs we grip with calloused hands
Dragging us down
While they should be uplifting
And bind rather than separate us

So I will sit in the silence
And fill my lungs with fresh air
Open and unencumbered
And trust the message I need
Will find its way to my waiting heart

Dandelion
Waves in the
Wind
Breeze catches
Seeds
Scatters them
Up and
Out and
Away

Mind
Moves through the
Haze
Chases random
Thoughts
Follows the
Posts and
Clicks and
Ideas

Focus
Vanishes in the
Clutter
Hitches a
Ride on those
Seeds
Adrift and
Absent and
Lost

I was once innocent
Ran freely through meadows
Bare feet tickled by flowers
Daisy chains and four-leaf clovers my
Diversions

But the land of my amusement
Is becoming barren
Choked out by weeds of numbing
I choose artificial ease and
Comfort

I’m losing my way
Forfeiting precious joy
Trading freedom for illusions of relief
I’ve finally had
Enough

Shoes and socks come off
Toes wiggle in dew-tipped grass
Sun heats my freckled forearms
And delight begins
Anew

There is a societal pull to opt for numbing distractions over genuine feeling. But life is much, much richer when deeply experienced in its entirety. Live simply, but live fully.

I am
Right
And I stand
Strong
Secure in my
Knowledge
Trusting my
Mind

It then
Follows
You must be
Wrong
Fallacy of your
Thinking
Obvious to
Me

I lift my
Chin
Succumb to
Pride
My ego
Inflates
While empathy
Diminishes

What if I’m
Mistaken?
My line in the
Sand
Based on
Supposition
And not
Fact

Let the
Waves
Wash the line –
And my arrogance –
Away
Let me finally
Listen
With a heart that
Seeks and
Yearns for
Understanding

“But that which above all things else hinders men from good understanding is pride.” – Charles Wagner

Differences of opinion transform into weapons when pride is the driving motive behind actions. It is in the humble striving that we grow. The unexpected byproduct of spiritual growth is the less we struggle to be known and be right, the more respected we become.