Author: admin

So much of my life is simplified, but I still find myself bound to the notion that I should be productive. At the moment, I’m sitting in an Italian restaurant waiting for my dinner to be served. I’m alone, my son asleep back at the hotel, no doubt worn out from visiting colleges on this fall break trip.

I keep looking at my phone for no reason. I’m uncomfortable – as if I’ve forgotten how to be alone in a public setting. I enjoy time by myself but am unable to just sit here and experience the sound of music and conversation, the smell of tomatoes simmering in garlic, and the view of modern artwork on the walls.

I think I’ve come a long way with mindfulness, and then the truth hits me. I’m holding on to the notion that I should always be doing something productive. At my core, I still believe it’s lazy to “waste” time. I could be making lists or planning or writing. (Well, I’m actually writing at the moment, but it’s more about processing than productivity.)

This isn’t a post with a problem and solution. It’s an acknowledgement that this is an area I’m considering. It will take time for me to work through this. My starting point will be sinking deeper into the quiet moments. And reading poetry. And listening to music with my son. Because I am more than what I accomplish, and my days aren’t measured by how many items I check off my list. That’s what I keep reminding myself. I’ll post again when I feel like I’ve got more insight into this aspect of mindfulness. Stay tuned.

When I was young – maybe 12 or 13 – I was pretty good at the piano. I had taken lessons from age 7, and practicing was something I enjoyed rather than something I dreaded. I did reasonably well in competitions – never first place but respectable.

In my hometown, there was a force of a woman who taught piano. Her name was Nena Plant Wideman, and she was well-known in my hometown of Shreveport, Louisiana. Ms. Wideman was fierce in her abilities and teaching. My parents asked me if I’d like to take lessons from her, and I jumped at the chance.

I remember walking in her living room, excited and ready to show off my abilities. I was nervous but not so nervous that I couldn’t play. After introductions, I sat down, placed my fingers on the keys, and began to play a prepared piece. I don’t think I got through the first measure before she stopped me. My fingers weren’t curved enough, or the dynamics were off, or I wasn’t sitting up correctly, or any number of other things were wrong about my approach. I tried again and didn’t get past a few notes. Again and again and again it went until I broke down and started crying.

I don’t know if I’m built for harsh criticism. Give me the feedback sandwich – something I do well followed by what I need to work on followed by something else I do well. I can handle that. But my mind shuts down when there’s just criticism.

Ms. Wideman did nothing wrong. She was a magnificent teacher. For years I’ve viewed myself as a weakling because I couldn’t hold up under her intense correction. Strong people take criticism and become better, so I must have been weak. And if I had only been stronger, I might have excelled at the piano rather than being just a bit better than average. That was my takeaway from the experience.

Lately, I’ve been a little gentler on myself. I love watching people excel at their chosen profession – whether they’re winning a Grammy, becoming CEO of a large corporation, or winning an Olympic medal. Hard work coupled with innate skill is an unbeatable combination. I simply recognize now that I don’t have to be the best, or even the best that I can possibly be at a particular skill.

Yes, you heard me right. I don’t always have to be My Best. This blog post might be better if I wait to post it until tomorrow so I can review it one more time and fine-tune it. But I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m going to take my dog outside for a walk.

I’m ok with being good at what I do instead of perfect. Because perfection isn’t my goal. Connection is. So, I’m going to continue to write and share my experiences in my own flawed way and hope that you read something I write and think, “Me, too”.  Because, after all, we’re all in this together. Even on the days when we don’t do our best.

Nena Plan Wideman was a noted piano teach who founded what is now the Wideman International Piano Competition in 1950. Her impact on the musical life of Shreveport was unparalleled. She passed away in 1984 at the age of 78.

All creation speaks to those who know how to lend an ear. – Charles Wagner

It’s hot and humid as I write this, sitting on my back porch. We’re bracing for a heat wave, and the birds are chirping as a gentle breeze cools the sweat on my skin. I’m hoping our neighborhood wild rabbit will make an appearance before I have to go inside and start on dinner.

There is nothing that centers me quite like nature. A walk in the sun, the smell of pine, and even the recent intense noise of the cicada calls bring me to a place of connection.

I am on this earth for a brief time. The saguaro cactus will barely grow one branch in my entire lifetime. But I am here in this moment for a reason.

My sincere desire is that I leave an imprint of love on people. I want to be remembered as kind and attentive – someone who made people feel good about themselves. Solitude in the vast arena of mountains and valleys paradoxically reminds me that I am not isolated. I am connected to God and to others on a deeper level even as I stand alone.

And I hope that my reverence for nature informs my actions. I want to breathe in the beauty around me and nurture it so my children’s children get to enjoy it as much as or even more than I have. As I make choices to minimize my impact on the environment and all its creatures, my connection deepens. I am filled with gratitude. I get to be here. And I get to share it with you. What a wondrous gift.

You gave me love
Imprinted on my brain
Messages that lifted me
You are loved
You are strong
You are enough

You cradled me tenderly
In your comforting arms
Tangibly believed in me
And supported my dreams
And I sit here wondering
How I got so lucky

I can’t figure out why
That’s not true for everyone
That others’ precious souls
Were beaten down
Told they were worthless
Until they believed the lies

I have a responsibility
To share the kindness given me
And help those neural pathways
Form a gentler path
I will love them well
Until they can love themselves

Healing, consoling, love creates light beneath her feet. She clarifies, she simplifies. – Charles Wagner

I spent the evening with a group of friends. We chatted and laughed and even teared up a bit. These are true friends – the kind who will be there when you need them. If you’ve read my recent posts, you know that I’m digging into the things that brought about an internal shift in me towards a simpler life. Certainly one of these is a deeper connection with others.

This group of ladies epitomizes connection. We are able to drop any pretense and be real with each other. It’s a rare bond, but I don’t think it has to be that rare. It just requires a willingness to be open and vulnerable. A big ask, but the payoff has been worth it for me as our bond of trust, support, and love has grown over the years.

The art of living is to know how to give one’s life. – Charles Wagner

How does friendship lead to simplicity? Regular interaction with these women reminds me of what is important in life. Their generosity compels me to want to give of myself more. I don’t really want to spend time with them shopping. I’d rather sit with them, look into their eyes, and hear their stories.

I find that nothing connects me to my purpose more than truly holding space for another human being to be exactly who they are. My sincere desire is to be a person free from judgment with open arms and an open heart. I fail often, but the more I engage with others, the closer I get to the person I want to be. And – as a friend of mine reminds me – the more I give, the more I receive. And that is simply beautiful.

It needs but a glimmer of common sense to perceive that man is not made to pass his life in a self-centered trance.  – Charles Wagner

In my previous post, I outlined a path to simplicity that relies on an inner shift towards purpose rather than on externally-imposed changes. The pull towards connecting to a personal mission has brought about that internal change in me, and it began with spiritual connection.

Before I was able to experience this connection, I had to address what was blocking it. For years, my MO was to try and control my surroundings, future outcomes, and even others. This drive to manage everything blocked me from the very peace I sought. When I recognized I’m actually powerless and surrendered to what is instead of what I thought I wanted, I began to feel moments of serenity.

I imagine a crystal stream, fish swimming, water flowing over rocks, and I’m hanging on for dear life to a tree root on the banks. I’m deluded into believing that as long as I hang on, I’m in control, and all is well. What I don’t see is that if I simply let go and yield to the current, I’ll be carried into an experience more beautiful and fulfilling than I can imagine. My stubbornness is the very thing holding me back.

I have learned to surrender.

When I concede that I’m not in control, I can connect with the one who is – my Higher Power, or God to me. Some days that link is made when I meditate, pray, and ask for guidance. Other times it comes from my willingness to admit mistakes and repair relationships with others. I find that an unexpected benefit comes from acknowledging my mistakes – I’m not as hard on myself. Something of a paradox: when I humbly do what I can to right my wrongs, my flaws seem less important. I’m making progress.

Your religion is good if it is vital, if it nourishes in you confidence, hope, love; if it renders forgiveness more easy. But does it serve to make you think yourself better than others, quibble over texts, domineer over others’ consciences, or do good in the hope of escaping future punishment? Then whether you proclaim yourself the follower of Buddha, Moses, Muhammad, or Christ, your religion is worthless – it separates you from God and man. – Charles Wagner

This quote from Charles Wagner is a good reminder for me. The way I treat others, my true motives, and even how I see myself are manifestations of what’s going on in my heart. Is my spiritual connection strong, or have I taken back the reins of my life? My approach is gentle. When I’m aware of the drifting, I simply stop for a moment and ask to be brought back to center. And I’ve found – little by little, day by day – this way of life works.

The opposite of materialism isn’t minimalism, it’s connection.

I used to strive for simplicity. I read all the self-help books, cleared away a lot of the clutter, and implemented changes meant to streamline my life. Many of them stuck, and things got somewhat simpler. But there wasn’t an internal shift.

I found Charles Wagner’s timeless book “The Simple Life” somewhere along the way. And while the answer was there, even then I couldn’t internalize it. He suggested a life that is mission-focused becomes less complicated naturally. As we pursue what matters, the extraneous loses its luster.

The past few years have been a time for me to dig deep. As I chose excerpts from Wagner’s book to include in my own book “A Vital Simplicity”, the messages rang true for me. And as I grow older, I’m reflecting on my life and envisioning what the future might become. I find myself drawn to minimalism from the inside instead of putting external pressures on myself. And the concept of connection keeps coming up.

Work out your mission – Charles Wagner

The internal transformation began for me when I connected to my mission. It’s personal to me, but it involves being of service to others. I’m careful to recognize that writing is an ability of mine but not the end goal. Writing is a simply tool that is useful in the pursuit of this aim, and it also brings me joy in the process.

How did I get clarity around my purpose? The focus I needed was born out of connection to three things:

– My Higher Power
– Other People
– Nature

In my next three blog posts, I’ll dive into each of these and share my experiences. The evolving result is that I am naturally inclined to spend my time and energy on lasting pleasures rather than instant gratification.

We must pursue who and what we are created to be with more fervor than we pursue material prosperity – Charles Wagner

While I’m still finding my way, I can say with conviction that the change I sought for so long is coming naturally now that I am in the flow of life and finding true connections at last. I’m hoping you’ll join me and reflect on your own experiences as we learn and grow together.

The past 8 days have been filled with emotion for me. It started last Saturday with my granddaughter’s quinceanera (15th birthday celebration) in Ecuador. She was a princess, and the party was lively and exciting – a recognition that this sweet young lady is growing up before our eyes.

Two days later another granddaughter had her first baby. There were complications that made us fearful, but we welcomed a healthy, precious little girl, and mom and baby are doing well.

Today I attended a funeral. A loved one lost her father, and the service was a testament to the truth that our story isn’t set in stone. As long as we have breath, our lives can change course.

And today also happens to be my daddy’s birthday. He would have been 100. Though he left this earth many years ago, his love is imprinted on the hearts of his children. I am forever grateful I got to be his daughter.

I tend toward the emotional, and this week I’ve felt all the feelings. And I emerge grateful for family, for love, and for a life of possibilities.

She is a vision in lavender
A princess surrounded by her subjects
She speaks words of gratitude
And dances the night away
Our little girl all grown up

She comes to me in pain
As labor sets upon her
Our excitement is tinged with fear
But her healthy baby comes
A miracle in her mother’s loving arms

They take turns in the service
Each speaking of the man they knew
Not all the same but evolving
His life a testament to the truth
That change is always possible

I remember the man
Strong yet gentle, guiding my path
He was the best of fathers
Taken from us far too soon
His presence – however short – a priceless gift

I have seen it all this week
Struggling birth to surrendering death
And celebrations of milestones in between
I am reminded to savor these moments
To hold on a little tighter
And speak more words of love
For as long as I am given breath

We are connected
Joined by our blood and bones
And we think we decide
With our hearts and minds
But it doesn’t work that way
Our lives are intertwined
Even if our eyes see this world
Differently

The connection doesn’t end there
It finds its way to the creatures
In the sea and air and on land
As they share this planet with us
Even our attempts to dominate
Don’t diminish the power they wield
As they roam this place with
Majesty

Our feet touch this earth
And we feel it underneath
But don’t recognize how
It flows through our very bodies
Nature sends its sweet breath
Into our open lungs
And nourishes us with
Beauty

I wonder if we’ll ever get it?
That reducing life –
Attempting to diminish its importance –
Only diminishes us?
My hope is that we eventually find
Our lives become satisfying only when
We learn to embrace this full and vital
Connection

I have to live in the quiet sometimes
Away from the truth and the lies
So easily conflated
I need to breathe surrender
And take solace in the unknown

We all have our weighty baggage
Beliefs we grip with calloused hands
Dragging us down
While they should be uplifting
And bind rather than separate us

So I will sit in the silence
And fill my lungs with fresh air
Open and unencumbered
And trust the message I need
Will find its way to my waiting heart